House 417
by Crystal Koneko
Summary: One shot. It’s Halloween and Botan has forced the gang to go trick or treating. After entering house 417, the chance of them trick or treating again? Slim to none. Hints of HB.


**_Note_: IF YOU LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN DON'T READ THIS. And if you've seen the episode of South Park with Michael Jackson, then you'll know what Jemoneh-Ow is. It's what he says when he dances on South Park.**

Also, this was made for Spiritt's HB forum for a contest. The theme was Halloween and it had to be horror and have sarcastic humor, and be over 2000 words.

Mild language.

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything having to do with Michael Jackson or the Wizard of Oz, oh, and South Park.

_Summary_: One shot. It's Halloween and Botan has forced the gang to go trick-or-treating. After entering house 417, the chance of them trick-or-treating again? Slim to none.

Words: 3, 889

* * *

**House 417**

* * *

"_Please_!" Botan begged her friends with her infamous puppy-dog-eyes. The Reikai Tantei were gathered at Yusuke's house to decide what they were going to do for the American holiday, Halloween, tomorrow. Botan had voted for trick-or-treating, but the others protested about how childish it was.

"Hn. You expect me to run around Ningenkai dressed like some idiot and beg people for candy? You're stupider than I thought," Hiei grunted.

Botan crossed her arms and huffed with an indignant frown, "I'm not stupid!"

Kurama sighed, "Let's not start name calling, alright?"

"But I never went before, and I always wanted to! And now I have the human body to do it! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!"

Yusuke clenched his fist, "I'll go if it'll shut you the hell up, Botan!"

"Oh great," Shizuru mumbled, "I suppose you'll want us to get dressed up too?"

Botan smiled brightly, "Of course!"

"I'm not coming," Hiei commented flatly.

Botan's smile instantly turned to a frown. She started pushing her index fingers together, "B-but it wouldn't be the same!"

"Onna, it would still be stupid as hell."

"DAMN RIGHT!" Yusuke cackled. His laughing was cut short with a blow to the back of the head by Keiko.

"Yusuke, don't be rude! I think it would be nice!" Keiko giggled and Yusuke snorted.

"Whatever."

"Don't take that tone with me, Yusuke!" Keiko screeched and Yukina shook her head.

"It sounds fun. I think we should," she said and Kuwabara was instantly agreeing to go, "Of course we can go, my sweet snow cone!"

"That's sickening," Hiei practically choked out, looking at his sister and the oaf. Kurama just shook his head and shrugged, "I guess it's settled then."

Botan nodded enthusiastically, "Time for costumes!"

Hiei looked at Kuwabara and felt like puking, "The moron can go as himself. He's certainly ugly enough."

Kuwabara started to protest, but couldn't because they were all pulled out the door by Keiko and Botan.

((Costume Shop))

"Dude, this place _sucks_," Yusuke complained, looking around the shop. They were all little kid costumes. They were hung up on walls and on carts, and some were stuffed in boxes.

Hiei looked around and shook his head, "I can't _believe_ I'm doing this."

"Oh, don't be so glum, Hiei! It'll be fun, I promise!" Botan cheered merrily and danced over to look at different costumes.

"Yeah. _Real_ fun," Shizuru muttered, glancing at a pink, fluffy, princess costume, "Damn, that's atrocious," she stiffened all of the sudden, "Where'd my idiot brother go?"

"I'm not sure, Kazuma disappeared a moment ago," Yukina said, very worried.

"Hn. Who cares."

Out of nowhere, Kuwabara came out behind one of the costume carts, "Look at me! This is so cool!"

Yusuke turned around to see, and started guffawing.

Kurama sweat-dropped, "How… flattering."

"What are you talking about? It's downright hideous," Hiei snapped and leaned against the wall haughtily.

Kuwabara had apparently found an ostrich costume and decided to try it on.

Yukina clapped her hands, "A bird!"

"An ugly bird," Yusuke pointed and laughed some more.

Keiko put her hand on Kuwabara's arm, "Um, why don't you try something different?"

Botan gasped a few yards away, her eyes lighting up, "Oh, it's absolutely perfect!"

Shizuru walked over and looked around blankly, "What is?"

Botan waited for everyone to walk over and gave them all a dazzling smile before pulling a cart full of costumes over.

Before Botan could say anything, Yusuke glared, "Oh no, I am _not_ wearing that crap."

Botan pouted, "But it's _perfect_!"

"Not to mention absolutely revolting," Hiei scowled.

Botan had found a cart full of costumes from the movie The Wizard of Oz. Yusuke had a new thought and grinned, "Only if Keiko goes as the wicked witch of the west!"

Keiko turned red and gave Yusuke a good upper-cut. He rubbed his cheek with a snicker, "That was _so_ worth it."

The peppy ferry girl giggled, "I'll be the good witch!" she claimed and started pushing different costumes into their arms. Kurama got the wizard costume, Yusuke was handed the tin-man costume, Kuwabara got the scarecrow, Yukina got Dorothy, and Hiei got a munchkin outfit. Shizuru right out refused to go in costume.

"You guys will thank me for this, I promise!" Botan said dreamily, planning out how well the night would go.

Hiei looked down at his costume and a pang of revolt flowed through him, "Is this supposed to be some kind of insult?"

Yusuke put a mocking hand on his shoulder, "Nah, it's just the only one that would fit you… so I guess it really is an insult. You little goth munchkin, you."

Hiei growled and shoved his costume back on the cart and Yusuke immediately pulled his hand away. Yusuke looked down at his own outfit and threw it over his shoulder, "Screw that. I'm going as a Vietnam War Veteran!"

"What the hell for?" Kuwabara asked.

"So I can get twice as much candy than all you biotches!"

"And how does that work?" Shizuru smirked.

"I fake a nub, people feel sorry for me, and I get twice as much candy! It's pure genius, I tell you! Pure genius!"

Kurama sighed, "Oh, is that what you call it?"

"Yeah."

"Lovely," Kurama murmured, anticipating how much of a disaster this Halloween was going to be. Especially since he was Oz. How degrading…

* * *

((Halloween Night))

"I'm gonna get some candy, I'm gonna get some candy, I'm gonna get some candy!" Yusuke whistled down the sidewalk. He had his arm stuffed in his shirt with his elbow sticking out for his "nub". Hiei growled and kicked his shin.

"Would you shut _up_? Damn it, Detective, you're making this a nightmare."

Yusuke stopped and looked at Hiei, "Shut up, you goth munchkin!"

Botan stomped her foot, "We haven't even made it to the first house yet and you two are already fighting!"

Hiei gave a quick, "Hn," and pushed past them all and waited at the end of the drive way at the first house they were going to. He watched as they all walked up to the door and rang the bell. No way in hell was he going to partake in this "trick-or-treating".

Shizuru waited for the owner to open the door for about two minutes before she started banging on the door, "HURRY THE HELL UP! WE DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT!"

Botan sweat-dropped and scratched the back of her head nervously. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…_

Yusuke started helping Shizuru while Keiko tried to pull him back, "YEAH! I WANT MY DAMN CANDY! THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT A WAR VETERAN? DISGRACEFUL!"

Kurama just put his head in his hands and wished he hadn't come along. The door finally flew open, almost off the hinges, and what seemed to be a drunken man who probably had his ass fused to the couch stood in the doorway, "Whaddya want?" he slurred.

Yukina made her way up to him and smiled, "Trick-or-treat, sir."

"What?"

"She said trick-or-treat! Now give us some candy!" Yusuke demanded, holding out his candy bucket. Keiko gave him a warning glare, "Yusuke, be nice!"

"Get the hell off my property, you damn crazy kids!" The guy shook his fist and stumbled outside.

Yusuke, of course, had to make a scene, "I'm a Vietnam War veteran, and damn it all, I deserve some candy!"

The guy looked down at Yusuke and snorted, "What are you, fourteen?"

"No! I'm eighty-five! I just lost my aging cells and arm there, is all!"

"FRIGGIN' LYIN' KIDS! GET OFF MY PROPERTY BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!"

Botan backed up to the driveway next to Hiei and watched the scene nervously, "Uh…Yusuke, maybe we should go…"

"Hn. We should've done that twenty minutes ago," Hiei commented dryly, and watched them with annoyance.

Kurama finally got fed up and started dragging Yusuke away. Keiko sighed with relief and followed along with Yukina, Kuwabara, and Shizuru. The man ran out and started throwing candy at the viciously, "Yeah, you get outta here, you damn kids! And don't come back!"

"Finally! Candy!" Yusuke howled and dug into the grass with his nails, crawling to the candy despite Kurama's grip on him. He managed to throw two pieces into his bucket before Kurama dragged him away and the group walked to the next house.

Yukina stopped at where the lawn started on the next house and eyed it warily, "This place doesn't look too friendly…"

The house was old, shutters were falling off, windows were cracked, and dead trees and plants surrounded it.

Kuwabara smiled gently at her, "Do not fear my snow pumpkin, it's supposed to be like that on Halloween!"

Yukina smiled back gratefully, "If you say so, Kazuma!"

Hiei muttered under his breath, "Then it _must_ be wrong."

Shizuru played with the flag on the mailbox. The number on it was 417, "This is one crappy house. Who lives here?" she looked down at the name, "Jack…"

Yusuke snorted, "It says Jack. How creepy can someone named Jack be?"

Keiko pulled Yusuke along up to the door and rang the bell. Botan skipped behind them closely, followed by Shizuru, Kurama, Yukina, and Kuwabara. Hiei was left to stare skeptically at the mailbox, "Something's wrong with that thing," he said to himself before walking up to the house as the wind blew.

The mailbox was left lonely as dust flew off one of the letters from the wind. It now read: Jacko.

Kurama noticed a note taped next to the door. He looked at it and spoke, "It says if we want candy to go to the top floor."

"Well, what the hell are we waiting for?" Yusuke instantly turned the handle and was about to walk in, but Kurama grabbed his hand.

"This doesn't seem safe," Botan said for Kurama, and warily glanced into one of the windows. She couldn't see anything. She latched onto Hiei's arm, him being the closest thing to her. Hiei glared, called her a weakling, but didn't remove her from his being.

"Who the hell cares! It's candy! Besides, if you sissies are to scared to come in, I'll go by myself!" Yusuke declared and marched through the door with his chest puffed up.

Shizuru watched him go through the door with exasperation written plainly on her features, "That kid has to be _the biggest_ idiot I know… next to my brother of course."

Keiko ran in after him, "Yusuke, wait for me! Hey!"

Kurama moved next to Shizuru, "We can't leave them in there by themselves, come on," he motioned to her and they disappeared into the house together.

Yukina and Kuwabara were quick to go in with them, not wanting to be left out. Botan looked at Hiei, "Well, I don't want us to be the odd ones out…"

"Hn," Hiei grunted and walked in. Botan ran in panicked, not wanting to be left outside the creepy house alone.

Everyone was gathered in front of the door on a red carpet. Yusuke was freaking out as words seemed to echo around the room, "Welcome. Jemoneh-Ow!"

Botan ignored the echo and examined the inside of the house. It was pretty run down, and the wood on the floor was chipped. The walls were stained with dust, mud, mold and who knows what, and everything seemed to be falling apart. She shivered as she looked at all the creepy paintings of people on the walls.

"How do we get upstairs?" Yukina asked, looking around innocently.

Suddenly, a fearful screech could be heard resonating around the house, and the lights went out.

"Keiko, where are you?" Yusuke searched frantically, touching the walls and tables and other things around the room.

"Yusuke! I'm over here!" Keiko wailed.

"Over where?"

"Hn. Who just bumped into me?"

"Oh, Hiei! I found you!" Botan chirped and stayed latched to him.

"SNOW PRINCESS! SNOW PRINCESS, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Kazuma, I'm right next to you," Yukina's soft voice soothed.

Kurama and Shizuru were just standing in the middle, shaking their heads. If they hadn't moved, they would still all be together.

Botan, who was pulling a growling Hiei around, bumped into Kurama and Shizuru, and they all went flying into a room. They could hear the door click, meaning it just locked.

There was a brief moment a silence before the lights came on again.

Hiei's hand were clenched and his eye twitched angrily, "Onna, you are _the stupidest_ person to ever walk the three worlds."

Botan pouted, "Hiei, now's not really the time…"

Kurama pointed to a door on the other side of the room, "We're only locked in on one side. We can get out on the together. We'll just be separated from the others is all."

"Whatever. Let's just get out of this room. Looks like a damn torture chamber or something," Shizuru murmured and walked out through the other door, and it creaked as she opened it. And indeed the room looked like a torture chamber. Chains hanging on moldy walls…ew.

Kurama, Botan, and Hiei were quick to get out of there. Shizuru was standing in the middle of a hallway full of mirrors, looking around. Botan giggled as she walked in front of a few, some making her fat, others extremely tall, and another extremely short. Shizuru watched as she went by the one that made her look short, "Heh, makes you look like Hiei."

"Hn."

Kurama smirked, "Yes, just not goth."

"HN."

They walked along, Botan amusing herself happily. She stopped short when she looked into another mirror. She was normal… but two little boys were standing next to her. They had mussed hair, loose shirts with dirty handprints all over them, and bloody lips. She screamed.

Hiei looked back, "What now, Onna?"

Botan pointed at the mirror shaking, "T-the mirror!"

Hiei looked into the mirror and smirked, "Afraid of your own reflection?"

"B-but there were p-people in it!"

Hiei gave her a blank look, "You're starting to remind me of the oaf, dumb as he is. Quit fooling around, let's go."

Botan stomped her foot, "I'm not dumb! There were two little boys in it!"

"Right. Botan, I think the whole concept of Halloween is getting to your head," Shizuru told her and pulled her away from the mirrors.

Kurama walked ahead of them, keeping an eye out for anything dangerous. Botan stayed close behind Hiei as usual, which made him wonder why she wouldn't leave him alone, but whatever, and Shizuru was on the other side of those two, smoking a cigarette.

Botan kept a close eye on the mirrors, and found quite an odd one while walking by. There was a creepy, pale man standing in it. He had stringy black hair, beady eyes, and half a nose. The man smiled and waved as she walked by and Botan buried her face in the back of Hiei's cloak.

_I am _not_ going crazy!_

"Onna, what are you doing _now_?" Hiei said through grit teeth. Now she was getting clingy, and he didn't like to be touched. At all.

"Hiding from the creepy man in the mirror?" She squeaked.

"Rigght. Creepy man in the mirror. And I'm Santa Clause," Shizuru snickered and was glad when she finally walked out of the mirror room with Kurama.

But, if they'd actually stayed behind to see what was in the mirror, they would have noticed the man poke his head out and grin maniacally, "Jemoneh."

((Yukina, Kuwabara, Yusuke, and Keiko))

* * *

"FINALLY!" Yusuke cheered as the lights came back on, "I can find a way to get to that candy!"

"Yusuke, you jerk, is that all you care about?" Keiko hit him in the back of the head and glared, "And get your arm out of your shirt! You look like an idiot!"

"B-but it's my nub!"

Yukina put her hand on Keiko's shoulder, "Maybe we should look for the others?" she asked meekly, looking around at all the paintings on the walls. She felt as if she were being watched…

Kuwabara, slow on the uptake, started flipping out, "Oh my GAWD, where's the shrimp? And Botan, and Kurama! And OH CRAP, SIS! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME FOR LETTING HER GET LOST!"

Yusuke punched Kuwabara and he shut up.

Keiko sighed, "Now that THAT'S over, why don't we go through that door there and look?" she asked and pointed at a door that was conveniently left open for them.

"Eh, whatever. Maybe there's candy," Yusuke commented off-handedly and burst into the hallway. The other three ran in after him and stared.

Yusuke was in the middle of a hallway, rubbing his chin, looking at a portrait of sorts.

"Yusuke, what are you doing?" Keiko asked, coming up behind him.

"Jemoneh."

Keiko gave him an odd look, "Huh?"

"Keiko," Yusuke said slowly, "That wasn't me."

"Jemoneh."

"Keiko, it's that friggin' echo again."

Yukina and Kuwabara were silently staring at the painting for a moment. Kuwabara finally spoke up, "Uh, maybe this is a bad question, but why are the eyes on that painting moving?"

Yusuke looked over to him with a glare, "Because you're an idiot."

Keiko looked up to the painting and tugged on his sleeve, "No, Yusuke, they're seriously watching us."

Yusuke looked at it. It was an old colonial portrait of a pale man with string black hair, the beady eyes again, and half a nose. Coincidence? I think not.

It WAS looking at them, "HOLY SHIT!" Yusuke crowed. They were all so focused on the painting that they didn't notice the little boy behind them.

It swerved behind Yukina and she felt a prickle on the back of her ear as a soft voice whispered in it, "Jemoneh."

The group of four turned around and saw the same boy as Botan had seen, and they paled. The painting's eyes looked down at them, "Ow!"

The four of them screamed and shot off down the hallway, throwing the door open, and running into a room.

The eight people in the room crashed together.

"Botan!"

"Keiko!"

"Kurama!"

Yukina!"

"Shizu-"

Yusuke cut them off, "Could you all shut the hell up? We get the idea!"

They all dusted themselves off and pushed up off the floor. Botan glanced around the room, "What _is_ this place?"

Before anyone else had a chance to look at the walls, the lights went off again.

"God damn it, we should have seen _that_ one coming!" Kuwabara snapped.

"Like you ever see _anything_ coming," Hiei smirked.

Kurama noticed the TV turning on and got their attention, "Look."

Botan's jaw dropped as she saw the pale man with string black hair, beady eyes, and half a nose moon-walking on top of a van on the TV, "That's the creepy man from the mirror!"

Kuwabara gave a dramatic gasp, "And the dude from the colonial painting!"

After a few more clips of the freaky man on TV, the lights came back on and the TV turned off.

Botan looked at the walls again, "See! This place _is_ creepy! Look!"

On the walls were pictures of the man again, and little boys. The girls almost gagged at the site. And looking behind the TV, there was a golden statue of the man, putting his hands on two little boys heads. The boys were the same ones that Botan had seen in the mirror.

Hiei looked around grimacing, "And I though the oaf was disgusting…"

Yusuke paid attention to none of it. He was staring at a staircase with a big neon sign on top of it that said: **Candy This Way.**

He threw his arm and "nub" in the air, screamed candy, and ran up the stairwell.

The only thing he could hear while going up the stair well was, "Jemoneh". And with every step he walked up the echoes became louder.

He finally got to the top of the stairs and just lost it, "SHUT UP, MY GOD! JUST SHUT UP!"

"JEMONEH, JEMONEH, JEMONEH!"

* * *

((Downstairs))

Like all good friends would, the gang ran up the stairs after Yusuke, quite content with getting out of the creepy room. As they neared the top of the stairs, they skid to halt when the two boys from the pictures stood in their way.

"Please kind sirs-"

"We're women too, you know!" Shizuru hissed.

"Kind sirs and madams, don't go up there. He's… awful."

"Hn. Get out of my way," Hiei grumbled and the disappeared with a few last words, "He did this to us. You've been warned."

Ten seconds after they left Kuwabara finally noticed they were even there, "GHOSTS!"

Kurama rubbed his temples, "Let's just go upstairs, shall we?"

Hiei was mumbling about stupid dead children all the way up. Botan glared at him offended, "Hey, I'm dead too!"

"Hn."

And he continued his griping about stupid dead children.

As they finally got up there, all they saw was Yusuke screaming at a bunch of walls, "FRIGGIN' ECHOES!"

"JEMONEHHHH!"

Kurama could feel a headache coming on, "Can we please just get the candy and get out?"

Yusuke stopped short and blinked, "OH YEAH! CANDY! GIVE ME MY CANDY YOU BASTARD, I GOT TO THE TOP FLOOR!"

"Jemoneh…"

Yukina looked curiously at the middle of the room. There was a table, and on it was a punch bowl labeled "Jesus Juice" and another bowl labeled "Ignorant Candy".

"Humans sure are odd…"

Out of nowhere, curtains appeared and parted, and out came the man with half a nose, moon-walking to the middle of the room in a purple pimp outfit. He had a cane, some "bling-blings", and a fuzzy purple hat, "JEMONEH-OW!"

"IT WAS YOU! DAMN, YOU'RE ANNOYING!" Yusuke stomped around.

"Jemoneh!"

"AND I WANT MY CANDY!"

"That's ignorant!" The man with half a nose huffed.

Kurama's face contorted sickly when he realized who the man was, "I know you! You're Michael Jackson, that child molester!"

Jacko frowned, "It's Mr. Jefferson, fool!"

"Screw that! I don't think I want your candy anymore…" Yusuke looked warily at the candy bowl.

"I think it's horrible trick-or-treaters are trying to frame a… young black man," Mr. 'Jefferson' wailed.

"But… you're white," Hiei looked on in disgust.

"I'm black on the inside, Jemoneh!" Jacko said and started dancing again. He almost bumped into Botan, who screamed and ran behind Hiei, who still wondered why she kept clinging to him.

Jacko started shooting suggestive looks at hiei once he saw him, "Why don't you bring that goth munchkin over here? …You are twelve, aren't you?"

Botan's eyes widened in repulsion and she summoned her oar, swinging it towards Jacko, "L-leave Hiei alone!"

"Hn."

Yusuke was grinning, "Keiko, use your wicked witch powers and make him go away!"

"Jemoneh! Hand over the twelve year old!"

"Hn. I'm not twelve."

Yusuke pretty much ignored the next three minutes of Jacko pursuing Hiei and stared at his half-nose. He finally walked up to him and just pulled on it, "Dude, what _happened_ to your nose?"

Instead of what Yusuke thought would be a mask, the whole face came off. Everyone ran out screaming. …Except Yusuke who grabbed the candy bowl, THEN ran out.

"I GOT TWICE AS MUCH CANDY! THE NUB PREVAILS, BIOTCHES!"

* * *

((In House 417))

"Can someone be kind enough to put my face back on?" Jacko asked, but was answered by the giggles of little boys.

((End))

* * *

O.o I can't believe that was just written. XD 


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